The Onion: The Glory Hole Excursion!
This came from The Onion (If you don't know, The Onion is fake news, unlike this site.)
THE GLORY HOLE I was going to clean out the garage this weekend, but the chance to commune with nature, standing in front of a Glory Hole, sounds far more alluring. Before you know it, the kids will be going off to college. I want them to see some amazing sights while they're still young. Some parents don't care about providing their children with an education, but it's important to me. A trip to see this Glory Hole might be even more enlightening than our recent trip to Ruby Ridge and the Porcupine Mountains. Before we leave, I'll do some research on the Internet, to get some details. I'll find out if we should bring any supplies, like flashlights or rope. I wonder if we need to pack a lunch. I'd hate to get all the way to the Glory Hole and find out that there's nothing to munch on for miles. We can bring some protein bars either way. How did I hear about the Glory Hole? Well, when I took Skipper to get his nails clipped, I overheard one of the groomers talking about it to Don, who had his poodle in for a shampoo. The groomer said the Glory Hole was "mind-blowing," and Don said he was definitely going to check it out. When I asked them about it, they clammed up. They always seem to be clued-in to the newest restaurants and art museums, so I'll bet they wanted to keep the Glory Hole a secret. Well, for once, the McTaggerts are in the know! This Glory Hole must be really something, if people are so reluctant to talk about it. I remember being the same way when I found that great sub shop on Oberlin Avenue. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that this Glory Hole is something I won't be able to keep to myself. Hold on to your seats for some great vacation photos! A few guys at the gym had great things to say about the Glory Hole, but as soon as I told them I was taking my wife and kids, they didn't want to talk about it anymore. I had to wheedle the guy who works at the gas station to get him to draw me a map. He told me that there aren't any highway signs leading to the Glory Hole, and said I should head straight to the park's rest station. If I keep my ears open, he said, I'll find the right spot. When I told the gas-station attendant that it would be my first time over on that side of the park, he warned me to be careful. He said things can get a little rough. Well, I told him that I love getting out there with the wild animals. I don't know anything about the Glory Hole, but I think it's thrilling to be out there in the dense underbrush, not knowing what's around the next bend. I'm ready and willing to explore. Yep, I can't wait to hit Highway 87 with a cooler full of ice-cold Capri Sun. It's only a two-hour drive. The kids and I can have some fun in the car, singing songs and playing games, while my wife takes a nap to rest up for all the activity at the park. Then we can all pile out and blow off a little steam. When the kids get home from school, I'll tell them to put on their old clothes, so they don't have to worry about getting dirty. After all is said and done, I bet they'll be talking about our trip to the Glory Hole for years to come. Hillarious!! If you want to check out some real Glory hole news check these:
I try to be a good dad, but even so, I've been noticing this family drifting apart. We don't talk as much at the dinner table. We don't spend Sunday nights playing Clue as often as we used to. Our set of matching fishing poles is just collecting dust in the closet. I think this family needs to take a nice day trip. I know Bryan wants to go to the aviation museum, and Hilary loves the petting zoo in Greenwood, but I've got a better idea. I keep hearing about this "Glory Hole" up at the state park, and it sounds like just the thing.
Posted: Wednesday 7th July 2004, 10:45 PM
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