- 3 man show
- A big date with Rosy Palms
- A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters
- Abusing the wicked stick
- Accosting the Oscar Meyer
- Addressing MrPalmer
- Adjusting the antenna
- Adjusting your set
- Aiding and abetting a known felon
- Answer the bone-a-phone
- Applying the hand brake
- Appropriate the means
- Arguing with Henry Longfellow
- Arm aerobics
- Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
- Arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper
- Asking for a second opinion (your second head)
- Assault on a friendly weapon
- Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
- Attending to the throb knob needs
- Auditioning the hand puppet
- Backstroke roulette
- Badgering the witness
- Baiting your hook
- Ball off
- Ball slappin' fun
- Bangin' your bacon
- Banging one out
- Banging the Cyclops
- Barking up the wrong tree
- Bash the bishop
- Bash the candle
- Bashing the Bishop
- Bashing the pear
- Basting the ham
- Batting practice
- Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
- Battling the purple-helmet warrior
- Be your own best friend
- Beat off
- Beat Pete
- Beat the Bishop
- Beat the Bologna
- Beat the Butter
- Beat the Dummy
- Beat the Meat
- Beat the Stick
- Beat up your date
- Beat your hog
- Beat your meat like it owes you money
- Beatin' Bobby
- Beating Bob and the twins
- Beating Jack
- Beating off
- Beating the bait
- Beating the balloon
- Beating the balogna
- Beating the beagle
- Beating the bed flute
- Beating the bishop
- Beating the dummy
- Beating the fuck out of your best friend
- Beating the goat
- Beating the old man
- Beating the pud
- Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget
- Beating the snake
- Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick
- Beating the stick
- Beating your meat
- Beef tips stroking off
- Beef-stroke-it-off
- Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
- Being rough with the sex stick
- Being your own best friend
- Belaboring the obvious
- Belt your hog
- Bequeath your genes
- Beta testing your hardware
- Biffing off
- Bitch-Slapping the Dark Knight
- Blanket drill, The
- Bleed the lizard
- Bleed the weed
- Blessing the alter boy
- Bloating the vein
- Blow Your load
- Blow your own horn
- Bludgeon the beefsteak
- Blueball baseball
- Blue-ball buster
- Bob the hog
- Bombing the German helmut
- Bonging your shlong
- Booting up the hard drive
- Bop the boa
- Bop the bonzo
- Bop the hog
- Bopping Richard
- Bopping the bishop
- Bopping the Bonzo
- Bouncing the bunny
- Box the Jesuit
- Box with Richard
- Boxin the Ballsack
- Boxin' the Bozak
- Boxing Oscar
- Boxing Oscar in the closet
- Boxing the bald champ
- Boxing the clown
- Boxing the Jesuit
- Boxing the Jesuit and getting cockroaches
- Boxing the one-eyed clown
- Boxing the trouser mouse
- Boxing with Richard
- Break one off
- Burping private ryan
- Breaking the fish tank
- Bringing MrWeasel back from the dead
- Brushing up on your typing skills
- Buck the bone
- Buckin' it
- Buff the banana
- Buff the mushroom
- Buff the wood
- Buffin' the bishop
- Buffing my wand
- Buffing the rifle
- Buffing your nuts
- Bugger your hand
- Buggering your hand
- Building upper-body strength
- Bunning your hot dog
- Burning off a few calories
- Burp the baby
- Burp the baldman
- Burp the worm
- Bust a nut
- Butter the corn
- Cajun clown fucking
- Calling all cum
- Calling down for more mayo
- Calling genie
- Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
- Calling in the secret service
- Caning the vandal
- Caping the crusader
- Capturing the bishop
- Carrying weight
- Cast off
- Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile
- Chafing the weasel
- Changing your oil
- Charge the rod
- Charging the Inertial Dampeners
- Charging up the main gun
- Charm the cobra
- Charm the serpent/snake
- Charming the cobra
- Charming the one-eyed trouser snake
- Cheap date
- Cheating on your other hand
- Check for testicular cancer
- Checking for testicular cancer
- Checking the plumbing
- Cheese off
- Chicken milking
- Chilling the dill
- Chipping wood
- Choke Charlie 'till he chunders
- Choke Kojak
- Choke the bishop
- Choke the chicken
- Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
- Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
- Choking the bald guy until he pukes
- Choking the chicken
- Choking the hog
- Choking the pirate
- Choking up on the bat
- Choking your chicken
- Choking yourself into emission
- Chong your schlong
- Chopping down
- Chucking the yogurt
- Churning butter
- Civil War
- Clamp the pipe
- Clean your pipes
- Clean Your Rifle
- Cleaning out the rope
- Cleaning out your account
- Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
- Clear the snorkel
- Climb the tree
- Climbing Mount Baldy
- Climbing Mt. Barbell (for guys with pierced dicks)
- Climbing the corporate ladder
- Clobbering the bad guy
- Clobbering the Kleenex
- Closet Frisbee
- Closing the deal
- Clubbing Eddy
- Clubbing the baby seal
- Clubbing the clam
- Clubbing the dummy
- Coating Prince William Sound with love oil
- Coax the cajones
- Cocking some soup
- Cocking the rifle
- Collecting a specimen
- Combing the hair on your bald pig Sally
- Combing your hair
- Coming to grips with the situation
- Coming to grips with yourself
- Committing mass spermicide
- Communicating with Red Leader One
- Communing with nature
- Conjuring Up A Rain Slicker
- Conking the Cardinal
- Consulting with your silent partner
- Converse with Harry Palm
- Cooking the cream of cock
- Cooking with Wong
- Corral your tadpole
- Corralling the tadpoles
- Cough your filthy yogurt
- Crab tease
- Crack off a batch
- Cracking off
- Cracking the bat
- Cracking the fat
- Crank the love pump
- Crank the Shank
- Crank yanking
- Cranking
- Cranking for cum
- Cranking one off
- Cranking the monkey
- Cranking the shank
- Creaming the banana
- Crimp the wire
- Cross-Examing the Witness
- Crown the king
- Crushing pop cans in the dark
- Cuddle the kielbasa
- Cuff the carrot
- Cuff the governor
- Cuffing the dummy
- Cuffing the puppy
- Culture the American Blood Sausage
- Custer's Last Stand
- Daisy-chaining
- Dancing in the dragon's fiery breath
- Dancing round the maypole
- Dancing with Johnnie One-Eye
- Dancing with the one-eyed sailor
- Date Miss Michigan
- Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters
- Date Palmala Handerson
- Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters
- Dating Mother Palm and her five daughters
- Debating the Albino Newt
- Debugging the hard drive
- Decongesting the weasel
- Defrosting the fridge
- Detoxifying the puppy
- Devil's handshake
- Dick whacking
- Diddle
- Diddle whacking
- Diddle yourself
- Diddling the dinky
- Digging for change
- Digital penile oscillation
- Digitally oscillating one's penis
- Dilly with the willy
- Dinging the dong
- Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
- Discipline your soldier
- Disciplining the primate
- Discovering your own potential
- Discussing Uganda
- Dishonorable discharge
- Disobey the Pope
- Disseminating
- Distributing free literature
- Do handiwork
- Do it your way
- Do the Dew
- Do the janitor thing
- Do the white knuckler
- Dogger Bank
- Doin' a loner with your boner
- Doin' extra credit
- Doin' the Hand Jive
- Doin' the solitary rhumba
- Doing a hand job
- Doing an impression of Goofy
- Doing battle with the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love
- Doing it your way
- Doing the five-knuckle shuffle
- Doing the hand jive
- Doing the hand-cooter
- Doing the janitor thing
- Doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
- Doing the plotkin
- Doing the pork sword jiggle
- Doing the sin of Onan
- Doing the Skin Limbo
- Doing the White Knuckler
- Doing your homework
- Doing your own thing
- Dong flogging
- Donkey Spank
- Doodle your noodle
- Downing at the club (for members only)
- Downing the pitcher
- Downloading from your own website
- Dra en handtralla
- Drain Charle's Dickens
- Drain the dragon
- Drain the monster
- Drain the vein
- Draining the dragon
- Draining the main vein
- Draining the monster
- Draining the one-eyed monster
- Draining the poisons from the building
- Draining the vats
- Drip the pickle
- Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
- Driving the skin bus
- Drizzle the squid
- Drop off a load
- Droppin' a wad of hot wax
- Dropping a line
- Dropping stomach pancakes
- Dropping the kids off at the pool
- Drubbing the dolphin
- Dry humping the ottoman
- Dry-Firing the Turtle
- Dry-firing your musket
- Duking the Bishop
- Dundering the devil-dolphin
- Dunking the dolphin
- Dusting the old trophy
- Eating grapes with the one-armed man
- Eberting Siskel
- Educating Peter
- Electing the President
- Empty the cannon
- Emptying your sex pistol
- Encapsulate your probe
- Engage in safe sex
- Erupting Vesuvius
- Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
- Evacuating Tatooine
- Evacuating the Bomb Squad
- Evicting the testicular squatters
- Excercise your rights
- Exercise one's right
- Exercising your right to privacy
- Express yourself
- Extracting some crack spackle
- Facha la manuela
- Falling in love with your right hand
- Fapping
- Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love
- Faxing Jimmy Dean
- Faxing the Pope
- Feed the ducks
- Feed the fist
- Feeding bologna to the Smurfs
- Feeding the chooks
- Feeling your way around
- Fencing with the pork sword
- Fertilizing My Comforter
- Fetch the bagel dog
- Fetching milk
- Fiddle the flesh flute
- Fidget with your digit
- Fight the Champ
- Fight your turkey
- Filling Charlie's magic sock
- Finding yourself
- Fire the hand cannon
- Fire the Surgeon General
- Fire the wobbly warhead
- Firing off a round
- Firing the flesh musket
- Firing the love rifle
- Firing the pound gun
- Firing the presidential staff
- Firing the Surgeon General
- Firm your worm
- Fishing for the two-toned trouser trout
- Fishing for zipper trout
- Fishing with dynamite
- Fist Fuck
- Fist kebabing
- Fist of fury
- Fist your mister
- Fist Your Monster
- Five knuckle olympics
- Five knuckle shuffle
- Five on one
- Five-Digit Shuffle
- Five-finger discount
- Five-finger solo
- Five-knuckle chuckle
- Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
- Fixing the Hubble
- Fixing the toilet
- Flail the whale
- Flame out on engine #3
- Flanking the Romans
- Flaying the Emperor
- Flick on over the thumb
- Flicking the bic
- Fling your phallus
- Flipping the Bishop
- Flipping your omelet
- Flog the bishop
- Flog the Dog
- Flog the dolphin
- Flog the dong
- Flog the log
- Flog the mule
- Flog yourself
- Flogging the Bishop
- Flogging the dong
- Flogging the egg man
- Flogging the frog
- Flogging the General
- Flogging your dumber brother
- Flogging your stob
- Flong your dong
- Fluffing the pillow
- Flute solo
- Fly fishing
- Flying a kite
- Following my bliss
- Fondle the Fig
- Fondle your flagpole
- Fondling the ferret
- Fondling the fig
- Fondling the fisherman
- Fooling with your tool
- Forcing Lex Luthor To Surrender
- Foreplay with Fistina
- Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
- Fragging the Sarge
- Free Willy
- Freeing the hostages
- Freeing your dick fish into the gene pool
- Friction therapy
- Frig yourself
- Frigging the love muscle
- Friggit
- Frost the pastries
- Frosting your maple bar
- Frugeling the gourmet
- Frying up the corndog
- Fuck Mary Fist
- Fucking a pillow
- Fucking Mrs. Fist, the five-fingered widow
- Fun with friction
- Gallop the Antelope
- Gallop the old lizard
- Ganging the plank
- Ganking
- Gardening with the golden trowel
- Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion
- Get a hold of yourself
- Get the German soldier marching
- Get to know yourself
- Get your nuts off
- Get your pole varnished
- Gettin' jizzy with it
- Getting a date with Slick Mittens
- Getting a grip on things
- Getting a load off my mind
- Getting a milk mustache
- Getting a stiffy
- Getting busy
- Getting chafed
- Getting in touch with your manhood
- Getting in touch with yourself
- Getting My Boys Ready For the Playoffs
- Getting off
- Getting tennis elbow
- Getting the dirty water off your chest
- Getting the German soldier marching
- Getting the glue stick
- Getting to know Miss Michigan
- Getting to know yourself
- Getting your caps peeled
- Getting your exercise
- Getting' your oil checked
- Getting your palm read by Mister Softee
- Getting your palm red
- Getting your pole varnished
- Gherkin jerkin'
- Give it a tug
- Give your low five
- Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter noogie
- Giving it a tug
- Giving Ms. Palm and and her five sisters a ride on the meat train
- Giving oneself a "low-five"
- Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money
- Giving the John Hancock
- Giving the pink Mustang a lube job
- Giving the pink Mustang a spit shine
- Giving the seamen shore leave
- Giving your employee a raise
- Giving yourself a dishonorable discharge
- Giving yourself a hand
- Giving yourself a happy ending
- Giving yourself a helping hand
- Giving yourself a low five
- Glazing the donut
- Gluing the lady's eye's shut
- Go a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
- Go on a date with Fisty Palmer
- Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
- Go the blow
- Going a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
- Going blind
- Going for the gold
- Going into battle with the purple-helmeted warrior
- Going on a date with Handrea and Palmela
- Going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters
- Going on Peewee's little adventure
- Going steady with my bouncing Betty
- Going the blow
- Going To An Open-Mic
- Going to the basement
- Goose the gherkin
- Grappling the gorilla
- Greasin' up my love monkey
- Greasing the axle
- Greasing the flagpole
- Greasing the monkey
- Greasing the pipe
- Greasing your bone
- Grip your dip
- Gripping the pencil
- Grooming your junior
- Hacerse la manuela
- Hacerse la paja
- Hack off
- Hacking the hog
- Ham shank
- Han Solo
- Hand crank
- Hand dancing
- Hand jive
- Hand job
- Hand Shandy
- Hand Solo
- Hand to gland combat
- Hand to hand combat with the purple helmeted warrior
- Hand work
- Handle yourself
- Handling heavy equipment
- Handling the hound
- Hands-on training
- Hand-starting the one-eyed yogurt thrower
- Hand-to-gland combat
- Handy work
- Hanging out with Peter Tork
- Hanging the old man
- Hard labor
- Harping on Happy Harry Hard-on
- Hatchin' a batch
- Have it off
- Have It Off
- Have one off the wrist
- Having a ball
- Having a Barclays Bank
- Having a bat
- Having a chuff
- Having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
- Having a date with Fisty Palmer
- Having a date with Mrs. Thumb and her 4 daughters
- Having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
- Having a ham shank
- Having a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it's rhyming slang)
- Having a one-night-stand with yourself
- Having a play date with your little friend
- Having a pull
- Having a puppet show in your pants
- Having a Roy (Australian)
- Having a Sherman (British)
- Having a staff meeting
- Having a tommy tank
- Having a tug
- Having a tug-of-war with the cyclops
- Having a whack attack
- Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
- Having dinner
- Having group sex with five friends
- Having it off
- Having one off the wrist
- Having sex with someone you love
- Heating up the hot dog
- Heaving the heathen handhold
- Helping Mr. Happy
- Helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college
- Helping the python shed its skin
- Herkin the Gherkin
- Hit on Rosy Palm
- Hit the ham
- Hitchhike to heaven
- Hitchhiking under the Big Top
- Hitching to heaven
- Hittin' the wood
- Hitting the ham
- Hitting the sack
- Hitting the speedbump
- Hitting too close to home
- Hoisting the flag
- Hoisting your own petard
- Hold the bishop
- Hold the bold
- Hold the mayo
- Hold the sausage hostage
- Holding all the cards
- Holding my own
- Holding your sausage hostage
- Hone the cone
- Hone your bone
- Honing the cone
- Honing your bone
- Honk your horn
- Honking the bobo
- Hosing down the driveway
- Hotdog-a-rama
- Hotfooting it to the nearest exit
- Huffing on the hoagie
- Hug the hog
- Hugging the hog
- Hump the horn
- Hump your fist
- Hump your hose
- Humpin' air
- Humping your fist
- Humping your hose
- Huskin' corn
- Ignite the Lightsaber
- In the hand
- Infiltrate your crabs
- Innoculate the newborn
- Interrogating the witness
- Introducing the Master of Ceremonies
- Investing in pork bellies
- Invoking the Oscar Meyer love spell
- Irking the dude
- Ironing some wrinkles
- Ironing some wrinkles
- J. Arthur Rank (British rhyming slang - wank)
- Jack hammer
- Jack hammering
- Jack off
- Jack the corn
- Jack the joystick
- Jack the sack
- Jack your Jizz
- Jack your monkey
- Jack yourself
- Jackhammer
- Jackin'
- Jackin' the Beanstalk
- Jacking off
- Jacking up the hot rod
- Jack'n the beanstalk
- Jag off
- Jalarle el pescuezo al ganso
- Jam the joystick
- Jammin' your jimmy
- Jazz yourself
- Jazzing yourself
- Jelly roll
- Jenny Mccarthy Jaunt
- Jerk Jamby
- Jerk Off
- Jerk the gherkin
- Jerk the Johnson
- Jerk the Turk
- Jerk your rope
- Jerkin' the gherkin
- Jerkin' the jerky
- Jerkin' the joystick
- Jerkin' the noodle
- Jerkin' the wheel
- Jerkin' your beef
- Jerking Jamby
- Jerking off
- Jerking the Johnson
|
- Jerking the turkey
- Jerking yanking daisy-chaining
- Jibbin'
- Jiggle the jewelry
- Jiggling the dice
- Jiggling your Johnson
- Jimmying your Joey
- Jizzlobbing
- Jogging the lizard
- Joining the Navy
- Joshing it
- Jostlin' the Elders
- Jostling your Elder
- Juggling the javelin
- Juice the Moose
- Juice your fruit
- Juicing the Banana
- Juicing the jizz monster
- Juicing the mongoose
- Jumping the jock
- Jumping to Delight Speed
- Just combing my hair
- Just jerkin' it
- Keep the census down
- Keeping the Optometrists in business
- Kick one out
- Kicking seamen
- Kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to "call your parents"
- Kill the Pope
- Killing it
- Killing the Beast
- Killing the bird on punches
- Kneading my knockwurst
- Kneeding the bread
- Knock on wood
- Knock the top off
- Knockin' over the weeble
- Knuckle nobbing
- Knuckle shuffle
- Knuckle shuffle on the old piss pump
- Knuckling the bone
- Lap-based web browsingrowsing
- Lash the length
- Launching a Jism Probe into the Tissue Nebula
- Launching My spawn
- Launching the hand shuttle
- Launching the morning missile
- Launching the rocket
- Launching the Tadpoles
- Laying the smack down on yourself
- Leakin' the main drain
- Left to your own devices
- Lehavi Bayad
- Letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster
- Letting the cat out of the bag
- Lightening the load
- Lighting the candle
- Lighting the lava lamp
- Lighting Up the Tote Board
- Lightsaber practice with Captain Solo
- Liquidating the inventory
- Little pinky hit the slinky
- Living by the fat of the hand
- Living it up
- Loading from CMOS
- Loading the cannon
- Locking the bathroom door
- Locking your roommate out so you can call your parents
- Looking for clues with Fred and Daphne
- Looking for ticks
- Lope the mule
- Lope the pork sword
- Loping your mule
- Love the Muppet
- Love's labors lost
- Loving the lizard
- Loving the muppet
- Lube the cord
- Lubing the tube
- Lubricating the love monkey
- Lynching the one-eyed monster
- Make a foreskin cone
- Make instant pudding
- Make like Hans Solo and stroke your wookie
- Make one-eye cry
- Make silly with the willy
- Make the bald man puke
- Makin' gravy for the biscuit
- Makin' moonshine
- Making a cash withdrawal
- Making a fist sandwich
- Making a foreskin cone
- Making a knuckle hot dog
- Making a six-fist
- Making chowder with sailor Ned
- Making free hand lotion
- Making friends with Big Ed
- Making instant pudding
- Making it up as you go along
- Making magic with leftovers
- Making nut butter
- Making oyster soup
- Making pancakes on your stomach
- Making Septic Tank Babies
- Making soup
- Making soup for one
- Making special sauce with frank and beans
- Making the bald guy puke
- Making the bald man cry
- Making the bread rise
- Making the Cyclops cry
- Making the cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up
- Making the Kessel Run
- Making the llama spit
- Making the piggy squeal
- Making the scene with the magazine
- Making the world safe for democracy
- Making vanilla jism shakes
- Making wall-paper paste
- Making with the tadpoles
- Making yogurt
- Mangle the midget
- Manhandling the manhood
- Manhandling your man-handle
- Manipulate the mango
- Manipulating My Machismo
- Manistrupation
- Mannin' the Cannon
- Manning the cockpit
- Manual exercise
- Manual labor
- Manual override
- Manual pollution
- Manually assisted wet dream
- Manually increasing the surface temperature of the ship's primary cannon by repeated linear manipulation
- Manually targeting the Rebel Base
- Masonic secret self handshake
- Massage the fireman's neck
- Massage the muscle
- Massage the one-eyed monk
- Massage the purple-headed warrior
- Massaging Mr. Ho-Ho
- Massaging the mink
- Master Bacon, meet Rosie Hancock
- Maximize your potency
- Measuring for condoms
- Meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
- Medical wankorama
- Medieval folk dancing
- Meet MrsPalmer and her five daughters
- Meet your right-hand man
- Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters
- Meeting Rosie Hancock
- Meeting with Palmala Handerson
- Meeting your kids
- Menage a moi
- Messin' with Moby
- Milk the lizard
- Milk the maggot
- Milk the member
- Milk the moose
- Milk the self
- Milking one's self
- Milking the bull
- Milking the cow
- Milking the lizard
- Milking the monkey
- Milking the moose
- Milking the mule
- Milking the muscle
- Milking the weasel
- Milking your wood
- Milkywaying
- Minding my own business
- Mix up a batch
- Modifying My .WAD
- Moisturizing
- Moisturizing your hands with your beauty bar
- Molding A Crucifix
- Molding hot plastic
- Molesting the mole
- Mount a corporal and a four
- Much goo about nothing
- Muppeting
- Murder the Bishop
- Muscling up
- Mustard on the burger
- My sex life!
- Nerk your throbber
- Neverland Ranch puppet show
- Null the void
- Oil the glove
- Oiling the baseball bat
- Oiling the glove
- Oiling the mighty dick hinge
- Oiling the pogo stick
- Onanism
- Onan's olympics
- One gun salute
- One hand clapping
- One handed humpty hump love pump, The
- One handed rodeo, The
- One handed shim sham
- One man band
- One man show
- One man tug-o-war
- One man wrestling
- One man's game
- One off the wrist
- One stop shopping
- One-armed skiing
- One-eye target practice
- One-hand jam
- One-handed workout
- One-legged race, The
- One-man orgy
- One-man ring toss
- One-man show
- One-man tug-o-war
- Opening the flood gates
- Opening up a bottle of Squirt
- Organ solo
- Oscillating the Oscar Meyer
- Pack your palm
- Packaging the ol' sausage
- Packing your palm
- Paddling the pickle
- Paint the ceiling
- Paint the CeilingPassing math
- Paint the pickle
- Paint the walls
- Painting the flag pole
- Painting the picket fence
- Painting your pants
- Palm the calm
- Palming the calm
- Pam Anderson Polka
- Pasting pages
- Pat the Robertson
- Paying at the turnpike
- Pearl jamming
- Pedal and crank
- Pee Wee pleaser
- Peeing children
- Peel the banana
- Peel the carrot
- Peeling some chilis
- Peeling the banana
- Peeling the carrot
- Perform diagnostics on your man tool
- Performing A Jid Exorcism
- Performing a self-test
- Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
- Performing the Jedi Hand Trick
- Perling the oyster
- Perm your poodle
- Pet the lizard
- Peter beater
- Petting the dog
- Petting the lizard
- Petting the puppy
- Petting the python
- Petting the silk worm
- Petting the snake
- Petting your animal
- Petting your dog
- Pipping the pumpkin
- Pissing Off the Pope
- Pitch a knuckle ball
- Plastique-ing the egg wagon
- Play a little five-on-one
- Play a one-stringed guitar
- Play in a one-man show
- Play peek-a-boo
- Play pocket pinball
- Play pocket pool
- Play tag with the pink torpedo
- Play the organ
- Play the piss pipe
- Play the pisser
- Play the skin flute
- Play the stand-up organ
- Play tug-o-war with Cyclops
- Play Uno
- Play with your Willy Wanker
- Play with yourself
- Playin' the bone-a-thon
- Playin' with hardballs
- Playing a solo on your meat whistle
- Playing Billy Squier on the skin flute
- Playing five card draw with a handful of jacks
- Playing five card stud
- Playing in a one-man show
- Playing it safe
- Playing miniature golf
- Playing Nintendo
- Playing paintball with white paint
- Playing peekaboo
- Playing peekaboo with Darth Vader
- Playing Peek-A-Boo with Mr. Johnson
- Playing ping pong with your ding dong
- Playing pocket pinball
- Playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson
- Playing pocket pool
- Playing soapy Peter
- Playing tag with the pink torpedo
- Playing the crotch trombone
- Playing the fiddle
- Playing the flesh flute
- Playing the flesh trombone
- Playing the hairy banjo
- Playing the male organ
- Playing the man-flute
- Playing the one-handed air guitar
- Playing the one-stringed melody
- Playing the organ
- Playing the pink oboe
- Playing the piss pipe
- Playing the pisser
- Playing the single-string air guitar
- Playing the skin flute
- Playing the solo symphony
- Playing the stand-up organ
- Playing tug-o-war with the cyclops
- Playing tug-o-war with the staked vampire 'til he flames up
- Playing Uno
- Playing Whack-A-Mole on the Professional Circuit
- Playing with Dick
- Playing with my little brother Peter
- Playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends
- Playing with the noodle
- Playing with the pink Power Ranger
- Playing with the pogo stick
- Playing with the snake
- Playing with the spitting llama
- Playing with Yoosef
- Playing with your 6th finger
- Playing with your big Alien
- Playing with your bird
- Playing with your noodle
- Playing with your turtle (for uncircumcised guys?)
- Playing Yahtzee
- Playing your instrument
- Pleasure pumping
- Pluckin' your chicken
- Plugging in the toaster
- Plunk your twanger
- Poaching the salmon
- Pocket billiards
- Pocket pinball
- Pocket pool
- Pocket the rocket
- Poking palm
- Pole vaulting
- Polish Percy in your palm
- Polish the bayonet
- Polish the bishop
- Polish the chrome dome
- Polish the family jewels
- Polish the knob
- Polish the log
- Polish the Oscar
- Polish the pole
- Polish the rocket
- Polish the rock-hard staff of St. Peter
- Polish the shooter
- Polish the sword
- Polish the Viper
- Polish Vader's Helmet
- Polish your antlers
- Polish your bayonet
- Polish your horn
- Polish your piece
- Polishing Charlie Brown
- Polishing Percy
- Polishing Percy in your palm
- Polishing the banister
- Polishing the bayonet
- Polishing the beak
- Polishing the chrome dome
- Polishing the family jewels
- Polishing the fire pole
- Polishing the helmet
- Polishing the hot rod
- Polishing the knob
- Polishing the Lighthouse
- Polishing the pink Mustang
- Polishing the Pope
- Polishing the purple people pleaser
- Polishing the rocket
- Polishing the rocking horse
- Polishing the rod
- Polishing the sword
- Polishing your bayonet
- Polishing your helmet
- Polishing your piece
- Popping a nut
- Popping the blister
- Popping the bone
- Popping the cork
- Popping the porpoise
- Popping the purple pimple
- Popping the zit
- Popping your top
- Portuguese Pump
- Pound off
- Pound the bald-headed moose
- Pound the bobo
- Pound the pelican
- Pound the pud
- Pound the pudding
- Pound your flounder
- Pound your piss pump
- Pound your pomegranate
- Pounding off
- Pounding the bald-headed moose
- Pounding the pud
- Pounding your flounder
- Pounding your piss pump
- Pouring off the potatoes
- Power edging the lawn
- Powersanding the Porch
- Pow-wow with the one-eyed Redskin
- Practice the Heimlich Maneuver
- Practice your Kung-Fu Grip
- Practicing a water landing
- Practicing For Sweeps Week
- Practicing for the big game
- Praising God
- Preparing the carrot
- Prime the pump
- Prime the womb cannon
- Private arm exercise
- Prod the peepee
- Promoting carpal-tunnel syndrome
- Pud wrestling
- Puddin'
- Pudwhacking
- Puff the one-eyed dragon
- Pull off
- Pull one out
- Pull rank
- Pull the carrot
- Pull the ducks neck
- Pull the goalie
- Pull the pope
- Pull the pud
- Pull the pudding
- Pull the root
- Pull your own leg
- Pull your prick
- Pull your taffy
- Pull yourself off
- Pullin' a few rounds
- Pulling a solo session
- Pulling on Peter
- Pulling rank
- Pulling the blue-veined custard chucker
- Pulling the blue-veined junket pumper
- Pulling the bologna pony
- Pulling the carrot
- Pulling the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
- Pulling the cord
- Pulling the goalie
- Pulling the handbrake
- Pulling the piss pump
- Pulling the pope
- Pulling the pork stick
- Pulling the pud
- Pulling the root
- Pulling the rope
- Pulling the single serving soup dispenser
- Pulling the String on His AssPuppet
- Pulling the taffy
- Pulling the weed
- Pulling the wire
- Pulling your goalie
- Pulling your love muscle
- Pulling your own leg
- Pulling your own weight
- Pulling your plonker
- Pulling your power cord
- Pulling your wire
- Pulling yourself up by your own bootstrap
- Pummel the love truncheon
- Pummeling the priest
- Pump the monkey
- Pump the python
- Pump the stump
- Pump your pickle
- Pumping cream
- Pumping for pleasure
- Pumping for power
- Pumping gas at the self-service island
- Pumping iron
- Pumping the electric goo gun
- Pumping the porpoise
- Pumping the python
- Pumping the soft soap dispenser
- Pumping the stump
- Punch the munchkin
- Punchin' the clown
- Punchin' the midget
- Punchin' the Munchkin'
- Punching the possum
- Punching the stepson
- Punching your puppet
- Punching yourself in the crotch
- Punish Percy in your palm
- Punish the Harlequin
- Punish the penguin
- Punishing Percy
- Punishing the Bishop
- Punishing the Pope
- Puttin' the tie on
- Putting A Little Mayo On the Knuckle Sandwich
- Putting the seminal luge team through their paces
- Putting your best foot forward
- Putting your foot down
- Putting your thumb in the porridge
- Qualifying in the testicular time trial
- Raining on your parade
- Raise the flag
- Raising Stonehenge
- Raising the flag pole
- Raising the mainsail
- Raising your sail
- Rake your meat
- Ram the ham
- Rapid delivery
- Rapid one arm pull-ups
- Raping your hand
- Ravage the innocent
- Read 'em his rights
- Reading poetry
- Reenact Old Faithful
- Releasing the hostages
- Releasing the Olympic Doves
- Releasing the Special Edition
- Relieving tension
- Relishing your hot dog
- Reverse osmosis
- Rewinding your tape
- Ricky boxing
- Ride the great white knuckler
- Riding the five-legged pony
- Riding the lightning
- Ringing for the elevator
- Ringing the bell
- Rippin' the rocket
- Rob the knob
- Rocket piloting
- Rockin' the rhubarb
- Rockin' the rooster
- Rolfing the piglet
- Roll your own
- Rollig the dice
- Rolling it off the lot
- Rolling the fleshy blunt
- Rolling your own
- Rolling your quarters
- Roman helmet rhumba
- Romancing the bone
- Romeo and himself
- Rootin' for the Yankees
- Rope the goat
- Rope the pony
- Rope the Pope
- Ropin' the long horn
- Rough up the suspect
- Roughing the passer
- Rounding up the tadpoles
- Rub off
- Rub one out
- Rub the pink eraser
- Rub the tub
- Rub the unicorn's horn
- Rub your head
- Rubbing Buddha's tummy
- Rubbing off
- Rubbing one out
- Rubbing Peter to pay Paula
- Rubbing the Buddha for good luck
- Rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel
- Rubbing the pink eraser
- Rubbing the rod
- Rubbing the unicorn's horn
- Ruminating and pondering
- Run off a batch
- Run off a batch by hand
- Runka
- Running in single-user mode
- Running off a batch by hand
- Running Peter through two-a-days
- Running the cheeta
- Running the whack-a-thon
- Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights
- Safest sex
- Sailing the mayonnaise seas
- Sailors' joy
- Salting your nuts in the shell
- Salute the sailor
- Saluting Der Fuhrer
- Saluting the general
- Sampling the secret sauce
- Sand wood
- Sanding the banister
- Sanding the obelisk
- Sanding wood
- Saying a private prayer in the Church of the First Holy Monkey
- Saying hello to Mr. Winkie
- Scalpin' the injun
- Schnauzer Shuffleboard
- Schplitzing your schmeckel
- Scouring the tower of power
- Scraping the bottom of the barrel
- Scraping your carrot
- Scraping your horn
- Scratching the cat pole
- Scratching the itch
- Scratching Yoda behind the ears
- Screwing your courage to the sticking place
- Screwing your girlfriend Handgella
- Scromping the camper
- Seamen reporting for duty on the skin boat
- Seasoning your meat
- Secret handshake
- Seeding the carpet
- Self abuse
- Self catering
- Self love
- Self-induced penile regurgitation
- Self-love
- Semen Fire Drill
- Sending a boy to the Academy
- Sending out the troops
- Sending yourself a hand-job-o-gram
- Serving Up the Baby Gravy
- Setting sail with Captain Thumb on the USS Hand
- Sewing the seed
- Sex with someone you really love
- Sex with your best friend
- Shag
- Shag off
- Shagging
- Shake the weasel
- Shakin' hands with little Elvis
- Shakin' hands with Little Richard
- Shakin' hands with MrHappy
- Shakin' hands with MrWinkie
- Shakin' hands with the unemployed
- Shakin' hands with Yule Brenner
- Shakin' the snot off your frog
- Shakin' your fist at the ex-girlfriend
- Shakin' your hands at the sky
- Shakin' your own maracas
- Shaking coconuts from the love tree
- Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln
- Shaking hands with Dr. Winky
- Shaking hands with Jack McNasty
- Shaking hands with Johnson
- Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
- Shaking Hands with Mr. President
- Shaking hands with Shorty
- Shaking hands with the boss
- Shaking hands with the general
- Shaking hands with the goblin of love
- Shaking hands with the Governor
- Shaking hands with the midget
- Shaking hands with the one-eyed trouser trout
- Shaking hands with the President
- Shaking hands with the unemployed
- Shaking hands with your John Thomas
- Shaking hands with your wife's best friend
- Shaking hands with Yul Brenner
- Shaking the bottle
- Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
- Shaking the dice
- Shaking the hand of the self-employed
- Shaking the sauce
- Shaking the sausage
- Shaking the snake
- Shaking the sugar tree
- Shaking the tree
- Shaking the white-out pen
- Sharpening your pencil
- Shavin' the carrot
- Shellac the shillelagh
- Shemp the hog
- Shift gears
|
- Shifting to fifth gear with the pork spear
- Shine the barrel
- Shine the helmet
- Shine the hose
- Shine your dolphin
- Shine your pole
- Shining My Bedknob
- Shining the helmet
- Shining the pork sword
- Shining the shaft
- Shining the shank
- Shining your pole
- Shlackin' the glacknoid
- Shoe shine
- Shoot for the moon
- Shoot putty at the moon
- Shoot your squirt
- Shoot your wak
- Shootin' your splouge
- Shooting craps
- Shooting Cupid's arrow
- Shooting enemies
- Shooting flies
- Shooting for the moon
- Shooting for the stars
- Shooting practice
- Shooting putty at the moon
- Shooting Sherman
- Shooting skeet (pull...shoot)
- Shooting tadpoles at the moon
- Shooting the bedroom gun
- Shooting the pump action porridge gun
- Shooting the shark
- Shooting the sherbert
- Shooting to score
- Shooting without scoring
- Shooting Womprats in Beggar's Canyon
- Shooting your wad
- Shooting yourself in the foot
- Shower spank
- Shuck your corn
- Shucking Bubba
- Shucking the corn
- Shuffle the deck
- Sifting through the nest to find mama bird
- Simple infanticide
- Singing with Donny Osmond
- Single dingles
- Siphoning off the tank
- Sizing things up
- Skipping rope
- Slakin' the bacon
- Slaking the bacon
- Slam the ham
- Slam the hammer
- Slam the salomi
- Slam the Spam
- Slammin' the salmon
- Slamming the hammer
- Slamming the spam
- Slamming the sump-pump
- Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
- Slap high fives with Yul Brynner
- Slap it
- Slap my happy sacs
- Slap pappy
- Slap the carrot
- Slap the clown
- Slap the donkey
- Slap the purple-headed yogurt pistol
- Slap the salami
- Slap your head
- Slap-Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
- Slappin' Pappy
- Slappin' the Cap'n
- Slappin' the purple-headed yogurt pistol
- Slapping high fives with Yul Brynner
- Slapping it
- Slapping Johnny on the back
- Slapping my happy sacks
- Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
- Slapping the carrot
- Slapping the clown
- Slapping the Cyclops
- Slapping the FleshGopher
- Slapping the Jawa
- Slapping the meat
- Slapping the pud
- Slapping the salami
- Slapping the salomi
- Slapping Uncle Willy
- Slapping your chub
- Slaying the beast
- Slaying the dragon
- Slaying the one-eyed monster
- Sleeping
- Slicking the stick
- Slimmer
- Sling some spooge
- Slinging the jelly
- Slog the log
- Sloppy Joe's last stand
- Sloppy sign language
- Smack the salami
- Smackin' Isaiah
- Smacking Bob around
- Smacking the monkey
- Smacking the oompa loompa
- Smacking the salami
- Smacking the sausage
- Smacking the snake
- Smacking the weasel
- Smacking the yak 'til it spits back
- Smacking your sister
- Smacking-off
- Smite the dragon
- Smiting the pink knight
- Smoking the bratworst
- Snap the carrot
- Snap the monkey
- Snap the radish
- Snap the rubber
- Snap the whip
- Snappin' off a batch
- Snapping one off
- Snapping the carrot
- Snapping the monkey
- Snapping the radish
- Snapping the rubber
- Snapping the whip
- Snapping your carrot
- Snuggle the nozzle
- Soiling My Sock
- Soldier's toy
- Solitary sin, The
- Solo flight
- Solo marathon
- Solo sex
- Solo spit
- Solo spurting
- Soup of the day
- Soviet U-boat Commander Jackoff Ruboneoff
- Spackling the Ceiling
- Spam Wham
- Spank Elvis
- Spank the bishop
- Spank the carrot
- Spank the frank
- Spank the hangdown
- Spank the monkey
- Spank the salami
- Spank the tank
- Spank your little boy
- Spanking Cheetah
- Spanking Elvis
- Spanking the bishop
- Spanking the frank
- Spanking the monkey
- Spanking the plank
- Spanking the rooster
- Spanking the salami
- Spanking the wank
- Spanking up a batch
- Speaking into the microphone
- Spear chucking
- Spearing the Spartans
- Spela fickpingis
- Spela skinntrombon
- Spending some quality time with yourself
- Spending your Christmas bonus
- Spermin' Herman the one-eyed German
- Spewing your load
- Spilling my children on my belly
- Spinning the record
- Spit one off
- Spit the seeds
- Spit-polishing the purple helmet
- Spit-shine the purple helmet
- Spit-shining the boots
- Spitting up
- Splashing one out
- Spluging
- Sprayin' the spectators
- Spreading some super life
- Spreading the mayo
- Sprinklin' the lawn
- Spunking
- Spunking the Monk
- Spurtin' Bert
- Squashing the sea monkey
- Squeeze the cheese
- Squeeze the cream from the flesh twinkie
- Squeeze the juice
- Squeeze the lemon
- Squeeze the toothpaste in the middle of the tube
- Squeeze your cheese-dog
- Squeezing the burrito
- Squeezing the Charmin
- squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
- Squeezing the Creamy Filter
- Squeezing the glue
- Squeezing the happy lumberjack
- Squeezing the juice
- Squeezing the lemon
- Squeezing the snake with the turtleneck sweater
- Squeezing the squid
- Squeezing the tube of toothpaste
- squeezing your cheese-dog
- Squirt one off
- Squirtin' Burton
- squirting off your load in the school bathroom
- Squishing the fish
- Staff meeting
- Stall clapping
- Starting the day off right
- Stewing in your own juices
- Sticky McKnuckles One Man Jam
- Stinky pinky
- Stir the batter
- Stir the yogurt
- Stirring the soup
- Stirring the yogurt
- Stoking the fire
- Straddle your paddle
- Strain the main vein
- Strainin' the main vein
- Straining your cabbage
- Strangle the dangle
- Strangling Kojak
- Strangling the hog
- Strangling the one-eyed trouser snake
- Strangling the Serpent
- Stress relief for a personal appendage
- Stretching the limo
- Stretching the truth
- Striking the pink match
- Striking your match
- Strip-mining with the spaghetti man
- Stripping the bark off your wood
- Stroke off
- Stroke the carrot
- Stroke the dog
- Stroke the goat
- Stroke the mole
- Stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
- Stroke the purple-nosed gusset ferret
- Stroke the satin-headed serpent
- Stroke the stallion
- Stroke the trumpet
- Stroke 'til you spew
- Stroke your ego
- Stroke your poke
- Stroke your poker
- Stroke your Twinkie
- Stroke your wookie
- Strokem your scrotum
- Strokin'
- Strokin' the mule
- Strokin' the sausage
- Stroking it
- Stroking off
- Stroking Steven
- Stroking the balony pony
- Stroking the lizard
- Stroking the mole
- Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
- Stroking the salami
- Stroking the satin-headed serpent
- Stroking the schlong
- Stroking the Scooby
- Stroking the snake
- Stroking the squirmin' German
- Stroking the stallion
- Stroking the wiener
- Stroking your goat
- Stroking your poker
- Stroking your pud
- Stroking your twinkie
- Stromming the Thurmond
- Strummin' my six inch
- Strumming the one-string harp
- Stuck in left field
- Studying for a math test
- Studying Talmudic Law
- Submitted by Jake W.
- Sucker-punching the blind webster
- Suffocate the organ
- Sump-Pumping the Dry Well
- Surfing on the Milky Highway
- Swickin' it
- Swinging the jump rope
- Swinging the light saber
- Swinging the royal red reproduction rod
- Synchronizing with his PalmPilot
- Tadpole rodeo, The
- Taffy pulling contest
- Taffy tugger
- Tagging off
- Tajja
- Take a beating
- Take a load off your mind
- Take a ride on the mean spanking machine
- Take little Johnny dancing down at Knuckle Junction
- Take matters into your own hands
- Take ol' stiff neck to the movies
- Take part in population control
- Take the fifth
- Take the monster for a one-armed ride
- Take yourself in hand
- Takin' the bunt sign
- Taking a client up to the Yajima Factory
- Taking a core sample
- Taking a few practice shots
- Taking a five minute vacation south of the border
- Taking a load off
- Taking a nap
- Taking a shake break
- Taking a wrist shot on the five-hole
- Taking advantage of yourself
- Taking Captain Picard to Warp-Speed
- Taking care of business
- Taking control of yourself
- Taking Herman to the circus
- Taking little Elvis to Graceland
- Taking Little Johnny dancing down at Knuckle Junction
- Taking matters into your own hands
- Taking ol' one eye through the fly
- Taking ol' one eye to the Knuckle Shuffle
- Taking part in population control
- Taking some time off
- Taking the dog for a walk
- Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
- Taking the monster for a one-armed ride
- Taking the sperm whale for a walk
- Taking your turn at the self-serve pump
- Talking quietly to yourself
- Talking turkey
- Tame the bald headed mouse
- Tame the monster
- Tame the shrew
- Tame the wild hog
- Taming of the shrew, The
- Taming the shrew
- Taming the wild hog
- Tamping the Musket
- Tamping your tater
- Tapping the turkey
- Target practice
- Target practice with the yogurt gun
- Target practicing with white ammo
- Taunting the one-eyed weasel
- Teach your dog to spit
- Teach Yule Brenner some respect
- Teaching a one-eyed Chinaman how to dance
- Teaching him a lesson
- Teaching the Cyclops the lambada
- Teaching your kids to swim
- Tease the python
- Tease the weenie
- Teasing the purple-headed custard chucker
- Teasing the python
- Teasing the Viking
- Teasing the weasel
- Teasing the weenie
- Teeing off
- Tenderize the meat
- Tenderizing the tube steak
- Tenderizing your meat
- Tending to your own affairs
- Test the flashlight
- Test your batteries
- Test-fire the Death Star
- Test-firing the meat missle
- Testicular tensile strength test
- Testing my throat pic
- Testing the hand cream dispenser
- Testing the smoke alarm
- Testing the testicles
- Testing your batteries
- Tethering the blimp
- That crazy hand jive
- The art of Unisex
- The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
- The erky jerk
- The five digit disco
- The five-finger hustle with Russel the one-eyed love muscle
- The Five-Knuckle Shuffle
- The five-knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
- The serta solo
- The sticky page rhumba
- The tube of cream
- Thrapping
- Thrash your thing
- Thrashing the weasel
- Threading a needle
- Throbbing the knob
- Thropping your marrow
- Throttle the bottle
- Throw off a catch
- Throw out
- Throw the ball around
- Throwin' down
- Throwing
- Throwing a shower
- Throwing off a batch
- Throwing the hamster against the wall
- Throwing up mayo
- Throwing your hand on the bed and raping it
- Thump the pump
- Thump your thong
- Thumping the pump
- Thumping your pud
- Thwackin' the sack
- Tickle the Elmo
- Tickle the ivory
- Tickle the pickle
- Tickle the taco
- Tickle your pickle
- Ticklewigglejigglepickle
- Tickling my fancy
- Tickling the dragon's tail
- Tickling the ivory
- Tickling the one-eyed weasel
- Tickling the pickle
- Tickling the Polish salmon
- Tickling your Elmo
- Tinkering with the R2 unit
- Todd your wad
- Toasting My Marshmallow
- Tocar con mi pinga
- Toilet sailing
- Tonking
- Torkin' the fork
- Torment the Trouser Trout
- Torqueing the turtle
- Torquing the wrench
- Torturing the tentacle
- Toss off
- Toss the boss
- Toss the midget
- Toss the snag
- Toss the turkey
- Toss the turkey
- Toss yogurt
- Tossing off
- Tossing the boss
- Tossing the ham javelin
- Tossing the salad
- Tossing the sauce
- Tossing the snag
- Tossing the spam javelin
- Tossing the turkey
- Tossing the white ball
- Tossing yogurt
- Touching the penis
- Touching Up the Ceramic
- Train the Love Porpoise
- Treating yourself right
- Trim your antlers
- Trim your horn
- Trolling for the one-eyed walleye
- Trolling for trouser trout
- Trouser snake CPR
- Trouser trout dancing lesson
- Trying to pull something off
- Tube sock tango
- Tug on the doug
- Tug of war with Cyclops
- Tug the slug
- Tuggin' the timber
- Tugging Mount Love
- Tugging old beater
- Tugging the rope
- Tugging the slug
- Tugging the tapioca tube
- Tugging the tossle
- Tugging the tubesteak
- Tugging the turkey
- Tugging your tubesteak
- Tuning my horn
- Tuning the antenna
- Tuning the fork
- Tuning your organ
- Turn the knob
- Turning Japanese (UK - one step beyond wanking)
- Turning on your fire hose
- Tussle with your muscle
- Tussling the Muscle
- Twanging the wire
- Tweak your twiddle
- Tweaking your twinkie
- Tweek
- Twirl the squirrel
- Twist your crank
- Twist your turnip
- Twistin' the Piston
- Twisting your crank
- Twisting your tool
- Typing with one hand
- Umroj
- Uncorking the bottle
- Uncorking the champagne
- Underarm javelin in the meat olympics
- Unleash the fury
- Unleashing the alabaster yak
- Unloading passengers from the five-car train
- Unloading the gun
- Unpacking the moving van
- Unsheathing the meatsaber
- Unsheathing the pork sword
- unwrapping the pepperoni
- Using the force on your meat saber
- Using the ol' 1 wood
- Vaccinate the baby
- Varnish the flagpole
- Varnishing the banister
- Varnishing the cane
- Varnishing the flagpole
- Vibrating the viper and making him spit poison
- Violating the hedge-hog
- Virtual sex
- Visiting Old Faithful
- Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
- Visiting the five-fingered widow
- Visiting with Papa Smurf
- Voting For Perot
- Wack the weasel
- Wacking a lap
- Wacking off
- Wacking the one-eyed worm
- Wacking the paddle
- Wacking the weasel
- Wacking the weiner
- Wacking the willie
- Wagging the dog
- Wailing
- Wake the dead
- Wakey wakey hands off snakey
- Waking the dead
- Waking up your bro
- Waking Wee Willie Winkle
- Walk the dog
- Walk the plank
- Walking a mile in Mr. Wiggly's shoes
- Walking old one-eye
- Walking the snake
- Walking Willie the one-eyed wonder worm
- Wallowing in self pity
- Wang whacking
- Wank
- Wank the crank
- Wank the Willy Wonka
- Wank with the one-eyed wonder weasel
- Wanking
- Wanking off
- Wanking one-eyed Willy
- Wanking the crank
- Wanking the one-eyed wonder worm
- Wanking the scube
- Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
- Wank-o-rama
- Warming up the altar boy's dinner
- Wash the meat
- Washing the elephant's trunk
- Washing the goose's neck
- Washing the hog
- Washing the meat
- Washing the wolverine
- Wasting babies
- Wasting your wad
- Watching the geyser
- Wave the wand
- Waving the Magic Wand
- Wax the board
- Wax the Buick
- Wax the candle stick
- Wax the carrot
- Wax the dolphin
- Wax the musket
- Wax the womb broom
- Wax your Jackson
- Wax your surfboard
- Wax your weasel
- Wax your Willy
- Waxin' n' Milkin'
- Waxing pedro
- Waxing the beanpole
- Waxing the car
- Waxing the flipper
- Waxing the old goal post
- Waxing the rocket
- Waxing your Jackson
- Waxing your surfboard
- Whack it
- Whack little Mac
- Whack off
- Whack on your back
- Whack the pud
- Whack the weasel
- Whack your Magic Johnson
- Whack your tack
- Whackin' the weasel
- Whacking it
- Whacking off
- Whacking the axe
- Whacking the weed
- Whacking your tack
- Whapping your wang
- Whip off
- Whip the dummy
- Whip the one-eyed trouser snake
- Whip the one-eyed worm
- Whip the rat
- Whip the stiff
- Whip the wire
- Whip up some sour cream
- Whip your dripper
- Whippin' the mule
- Whippin' the whopper
- Whipping Dripping
- Whipping off
- Whipping skippy
- Whipping the balls
- Whipping the bishop
- Whipping the dummy
- Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
- Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel
- Whipping the pony
- Whipping the rat
- Whipping the stiff
- Whipping the walrus
- Whipping the window washer
- Whipping the wire
- Whipping up a batch
- Whipping up some sour cream
- Whipping Up Some Waffle Batter
- Whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
- Whipping your dripper
- Whipping your Skippy
- Whipping your Willy
- White water wristing
- Whitewashing
- Whitewashing with Huck and Tom
- White-water wristing
- Whittle the stick
- Whittling Dixie
- Whizzin' jism
- Whizzin' Jizz
- Whizzin' Jizzum
- Wiggling your walrus
- Wiggling your worm
- Willy spitting
- Willy tickle
- Willy wanking
- Winding my watch
- Winding the Jack in the Box
- Winding the Wurlitzer
- Windsurf on Mount Baldy
- Wing it
- Wonk your conker
- Wonking your donk
- Work off
- Work one out
- Work things out
- Workin' out a stiff joint
- Workin' the Jerkin
- Working a cramp out of your muscle
- Working at your own speed
- Working late at the office
- Working overtime at the meat factory
- Working up a batch
- Working up a foamy lather
- Working without Annette
- Working your Willy
- Wrapping my hand around my cock and blowing a load all over my mother
- Wrestle the bald-headed champion
- Wrestle the dragon
- Wrestle the eel
- Wrestle with Cyclops
- Wrestling Jimmy
- Wrestling the alligator
- Wrestling the bald-headed champ
- Wrestling the bald-headed sumo
- Wrestling the eel
- Wrestling the gator
- Wrestling the one-eyed monster
- Wrestling the purple-headed warrior
- Wrestling with Jimmy
- Wrestling with the bald champ
- Wrestling with the one-eyed superhero
- Wrestling Yul Brenner
- Wring your thing
- Wringin' out the tube steak
- Wringin' the towel
- Wringing out your rope
- Wringing 'round the rosie
- Wrist aerobics
- Yahtzee
- Yang your wang
- Yank my doodle dandy
- Yank off
- Yank the plank
- Yank the shank
- Yank the yam
- Yank the yodel
- Yank the yo-yo
- Yank your crank
- Yank your plank
- Yank your strap
- Yank your wank
- Yank your yam
- Yankee your Wankee
- Yankin' it
- Yankin' your chain
- Yankin' your Franklin
- Yanking off
- Yanking the crank
- Yanking the doodle
- Yanking the yoyo
- Yanking your chain
- Yanking your crank
- Yanking your plank
- Yanking your Yoda
- Yogurt slinging
- Yoinkin' off
- Yuckin' your choad
- Zipper Olympics
- Zoot Flute Riot
- Zygote spraying
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